Mel; why do you go on so much about hygge?

…well, my retort is why don’t you? It’s what life is all about and I am going to keep banging this drum until more people start swinging to my hygge beat!

So following on from that defensive start point I am going to lunge you dear reader into a possibly maudlin thought - have you ever considered what your eulogy will say? Bear with me here, I’m not writing myself or you off, I did this a few years ago (when I was formalising my Celebrancy offer beyond family and friends). A fabulous career coach tasked me with writing my eulogy. What do you want your life to have contributed to the world when your final goodbye arrives? And after much reflection and soul searching, exploring my personal values of kindness, nurturing of connections, comfort and contentment in oneself, congruence and integrity I found that the defining nutshell was staring at me from my bookshelf - I want my contribution to this world to be hygge!

So, what is it? For those who are late to the hygge party it is pronounced ‘hooga’ and I am recycling a fitting quote from ‘one of the greatest philosophers of our time; Winnie the Pooh, “you don’t spell it, you feel it”’ (Wiking, 2016, The Little Book of Hygge). I wholeheartedly agree with Wiking when he says ‘saying or spelling it is the easy part, the tricky bit is explaining what it means’ and he cites ‘the art of creating intimacy’, ‘cosiness of the soul’ and ‘absence of annoyance’, ‘taking pleasure from the presence of soothing things’ and my personal favourite ‘cosy togetherness’.

Wiking studies what makes people happy, he and his colleagues in Denmark focus on well-being, happiness and quality of life. They came to recognise that ‘hygge’, a Norwegian word meaning ‘well-being’, may have been an overlooked factor in their earlier studies. And what was particularly enlightening to me was that no matter our personal circumstances, our relationship status or the availability of wealth; hygge is within most of our grasp.

Hygge is an atmosphere in which we can let our guard down, feel as though we really belong, where we are accepted and cared for. A feeling of being at home, content and enjoying the moment. Wiking’s favourite description is ‘cocoa by candlelight’, you can be on your own and feel that wonderful glow of contentment or in a crowded room, for example at a gig and you hear the first notes of your favourite song and let those sounds wash over you or compel you to move. Or in the stimulation of a hearty discussion with people you trust, who will take your view the right way, they may not agree with you, but they get and hear you. Or even that lovely, accomplished feeling we have when we’ve finished the housework and our home is shiny and neat. It could be getting into your favourite armchair, a tasty snack at the ready as you break the spine on a new book. Hygge can be in the in-jokes that you share with friends or the ensuing, ‘hmmmm’ feeling, as you’re calming, wiping your tears away after belly laughing at something only you and they get. For me Christmas is hygge time in abundance, not because of the gifts and material things (to be honest when I hear the pressure on people to go into town and spend money they are struggling to afford, that dulls my hygge glow), but it is in the togetherness, the music, the flavours, the smell of the spices and foliage, the fairy lights and sparkle. Hygge is a warm nostalgia. It can be in a beautiful view, a picture, a smell, a sound, a hug from a loved one - hygge is a very sensory thing to me.

Describing hygge is much like trying to describe the feeling of being in love. And after all I am in the business of lurve (yes, I did say that out loud in a bassy, Barry White style). In a much less cheesy way though it is what I do for my couples. I write their love story. I immerse myself in their nuance, their character and translate that into their wedding ceremony script so that they and their loved ones can truly see their happiness, hear the loving tone in the sound of their voice, feel the texture of their shared spirit, hopes and aspirations. They can wrap themselves in the warm blanket of this couple’s union. I express gratitude and applaud couples for their gifts, for finding a home in each other, a place they truly belong.

So, that is why I go on about hygge! It is what I endeavour to share in all that I do. When my time comes I want people to see and feel the hygge I have revealed or recognised for them because it is in those moments that we see this rich and abundant life in all of its beauty, fragrance, music, texture and flavour.